would someone be able to check my chinese homework?

[apathyshoujo]

This is a very random request (and is probably not in the right place), but I was wondering if there was anybody out there that would be willing and able to check to my Chinese homework.

Its only a paragraph of about 200 words.

Thanks if you can help. ^.^

(Ps: I'll post it if anybody replies saying they can help)

 

[renano]

If checking is just looking over spelling or sentence structure, then there shouldn't be too much harm for anyone to look at it.

I'll just mention [MENTION=26]KingArturia[/MENTION] ; [MENTION=27362]AhGwee[/MENTION] ; (maybe there's more) to see if they can to assist.

 

[KingArturia]

I'll need to head off to Uni, but I'll give it a look when I'm back. Thanks for the mention Rena-chan.

 

[Second_Flight]

chinese words that i always remember...


我爱你

wo ai ni

 

[apathyshoujo]

yh, I just wanted a quick grammar and sentence structure check. here's the paragraph:

一个我的最喜爱是《 Come Together 》是由英国摇滚乐队 披头士，创作既约翰列侬 ， 又保罗麦卡特尼。
我听过这个歌曲在我的朋友房间， 便我匆匆买唱片披头士。（以后我买一张唱片披头士， 我竟然想买更歌曲披头士。）
作品中歌词被认为影射为各名披头士成员。“他参加狂热的宗教活动”（He want holy rollers）是影射著 乔治哈里森， “他手指像猴子一样灵巧”（He got monkey finger）为 林戈•斯塔尔 、“他满脸络腮胡”（He got Ono sideboard）是约翰列侬、而最后一节歌词里的“打扮得称头拉风”（Got to be good looking）是 保罗麦卡特尼。
我喜欢贝斯在歌曲, 而也旋律； 也歌词是很有意思。


Thanks for your help! ^.^

 

[InorixShu]

It's been such a long time since I needed to do chinese homework~
I always hated it.....

 

[KingArturia]

yh, I just wanted a quick grammar and sentence structure check. here's the paragraph:

一个我的最喜爱是《 Come Together 》是由英国摇滚乐队 披头士，创作既约翰列侬 ， 又保罗麦卡特尼。
我听过这个歌曲在我的朋友房间， 便我匆匆买唱片披头士。（以后我买一张唱片披头士， 我竟然想买更歌曲披头士。）
作品中歌词被认为影射为各名披头士成员。“他参加狂热的宗教活动”（He want holy rollers）是影射著 乔治哈里森， “他手指像猴子一样灵巧”（He got monkey finger）为 林戈•斯塔尔 、“他满脸络腮胡”（He got Ono sideboard）是约翰列侬、而最后一节歌词里的“打扮得称头拉风”（Got to be good looking）是 保罗麦卡特尼。
我喜欢贝斯在歌曲, 而也旋律； 也歌词是很有意思。


Thanks for your help! ^.^

You mind giving me the original copy of what you wanted to say in English as well? Since the first sentence sounded odd already. Thanks~

 

[apathyshoujo]

here's the jist of what I wanted to say in English. sorry it isn't that coherent, I had to write quickly because my boyfriend needs his laptop.

'My favourite song is "Come Together" by the British rock band The Beatles. Written by John Lennon and Paul McCartney.
I heard the song in my friends' room, then I hurried to buy the Beatles album. (after I bought one Beatles record, I unexpectedly wanted to buy more beatles songs.
The Lyrics are considered works alluding to each beatles member. "He participated in fanatical religious activities" (He want holy rollers) is alluding to George Harrison, "he dexterous fingers like a monkey" (He got monkey finger) as Ringo Starr • "His face beard." (He got Ono sideboard) is John Lennon, and the last one the lyrics of the "dressed head to pull the wind, said" (Got to be good looking) is Paul McCartney.
I like the bass in the song, but also the melody; also the lyrics are very interesting.'

the translation of the lyrics in the passage (e.g 'His face beard, He got Ono sideboard' ) from Chinese to English are a bit weird, but I think they make sense in Chinese though.

 

[KingArturia]

OK, I'll get back to you as soon as possible with what I think its more of a correct way of speaking.

 

[apathyshoujo]

thank you very much :)

 

[KingArturia]

No problem, when do you need it by? I'll put it on my priority list if you need it by tomorrow. But I have dinner soon so you might have to wait for around an hour to an hour and a half quickest.

 

[apathyshoujo]

I've got to had it in tomorrow afternoon, so if you could do it tonight that'd be good.

 

[KingArturia]

I'm nearly there :3

[MENTION=10929]apathyshoujo[/MENTION] ;

一个我最喜爱的歌曲是由英国摇滚乐队 披头士创作的《 Come Together 》，是由约翰列侬同保罗麦卡特尼一起作曲的。
我在我的朋友房间内听过这个歌曲，之后我便匆匆地去买披头士唱片。(我买了一张披头士唱片之后，竟然想买更多披头士的唱片。）
作品中的歌词被认为反影为各名披头士成员。“他参加狂热的宗教活动”（He want holy rollers）是反影著 乔治哈里森， “他手指像猴子一样灵巧”（He got monkey finger）为 林戈•斯塔尔 、“他满脸络腮胡”（He got Ono sideboard）是约翰列侬、而最后一句歌词里的“打扮得称头拉风”（Got to be good looking）是 保罗麦卡特尼。
我喜欢在歌曲里的低音和旋律；但是我觉得歌词也是很有意思。

This should sound a lot less awkward than before. Some of the noun and adjective were in the wrong place, also did you use translator of some sort, since it translated bass into a name instead of the bass you're referring to in music. I hope this helps, if you have further question I'll be happy to help you with. Do note I tried not to change the lyrics as translating lyrics with actual meaning can be very hard and I don't think the translation you got is that bad anyway, so left those in the original form.

 

[apathyshoujo]

I'm nearly there :3

[MENTION=10929]apathyshoujo[/MENTION] ;

一个我最喜爱的歌曲是由英国摇滚乐队 披头士创作的《 Come Together 》，是由约翰列侬同保罗麦卡特尼一起作曲的。
我在我的朋友房间内听过这个歌曲，之后我便匆匆地去买披头士唱片。(我买了一张披头士唱片之后，竟然想买更多披头士的唱片。）
作品中的歌词被认为反影为各名披头士成员。“他参加狂热的宗教活动”（He want holy rollers）是反影著 乔治哈里森， “他手指像猴子一样灵巧”（He got monkey finger）为 林戈•斯塔尔 、“他满脸络腮胡”（He got Ono sideboard）是约翰列侬、而最后一句歌词里的“打扮得称头拉风”（Got to be good looking）是 保罗麦卡特尼。
我喜欢在歌曲里的低音和旋律；但是我觉得歌词也是很有意思。

This should sound a lot less awkward than before. Some of the noun and adjective were in the wrong place, also did you use translator of some sort, since it translated bass into a name instead of the bass you're referring to in music. I hope this helps, if you have further question I'll be happy to help you with. Do note I tried not to change the lyrics as translating lyrics with actual meaning can be very hard and I don't think the translation you got is that bad anyway, so left those in the original form.

Thanks, it does flow alot better than mine.

I used a combo of google translate and a dictionary so that would explain the errors i guess.

there was some grammar/ vocab from my lesson that i was meant to use to get extra points that you've taken out, but two of the words (竟然 and 便) are still in there so its allll goood.

thanks again for your help, and I'll let you know if i have any more questions. :)