It's A Total Lie!

Saw some guy masturbating in front of a preschool
what a degenerate...
 
just started making drugs with my high school chemistry teacher :8
 
met a good looking woman who gave me her number today
 
had my first shower in 6 months today :8
mom was so surprised
 
just got divorced after being married for 20 years...
also lost a couple million dollars as a result
 
accidentally ran over an old man this morning
he was probably going to die soon anyway so i think its ok
 
My son and daughter are finally coming home from college
Been a year since I last saw them
 
graduated summa cum laude from harvard
am currently making 6 figures as a software engineer at microsoft
 

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