I play all kinds of R18 games (not limited to female-targeted ones), so I consider myself quite tolerant of even bad h-scenes (lol)
I like R18 otome. Although many titles do suffer a bit balancing explicit scenes with proper relationship development, I think the scenes do add to the overall atmosphere and intimacy between the characters. Chou no Doku, for example, has good h-scenes that work well in context. The game deals with taboo topics, so the way the scenes are written, it makes sense to add them (I don't think they're essential for character development though, and you can see it with the censored English release not losing too much by omitting them). Mature games can use the more explicit moments to delve into the emotional and intimate aspects of a relationship, and most of those games deal with heavier, edgier themes (that I love!), that can match well with those types of scenes
For me, at least, if a story is written with explicit scenes first, it just makes sense that they'll fit well with the plot. Some games do overdo it a bit, but I also think it's fair to say that an eroge otome that is bad because it has too many h-scenes probably won't be good even without them ;b (bad writing is bad writing, whether the creator tries to mask it with fanservice or not)
As for tame BL, I haven't played many titles, except censored console releases of R18 BL games (I've been eyeing Town of Nie and Re;quartz Raid for a while, but haven't got to it yet!), but I do like them! I don't think h-scenes are a necessity, and many games do a good job with console releases, like adding new routes
I'd say h-scenes can matter, and they can add to the story, but they're not really a necessity. As for whether I prefer NSFW or SFW otoge/BL, I don't really have a preference about that and I'm open to trying all kinds of games :)