Does playing otome games for a long time make it harder to date in real life?

[kitteny]

I've been really into otome games lately. As I play more, I realize they're not just "dating sims." Sometimes the characters make me think: oh, this is what I want too – to be treated kindly and chosen without doubt. Every character has a different personality – gentle, tsundere, mysterious… It feels like I get to experience many sides of love.

But some friends say playing too many otome games makes them pickier about real-life romance. What do you think? Do otome games help us understand love better, or make us more afraid of it? Share your favorite character and how they've changed the way you see relationships.

 

[nyao]

I definitely agree because hook-up culture is so prevalent these days, while I'm over here dreaming about a fantastical romance with fictional characters who would obsess over me.

Some former friends think I'm 'boring' now because I don't want to engage in activities I once did before I became hardcore with my otome enjoyment, www. I think it made me realise that, damn, my standards were low!

 

[haylie2019]

Im an total introvert and I hate making first move and interacting with people. Otome gaming does shape my ideal type but have no impact on me with dating because I already hate leaving the house. My current bf is pretty supportive of my otome gaming and is far from my ideal type.

 

[crimi]

I've been really into otome games lately. As I play more, I realize they're not just "dating sims." Sometimes the characters make me think: oh, this is what I want too – to be treated kindly and chosen without doubt. Every character has a different personality – gentle, tsundere, mysterious… It feels like I get to experience many sides of love.

But some friends say playing too many otome games makes them pickier about real-life romance. What do you think? Do otome games help us understand love better, or make us more afraid of it? Share your favorite character and how they've changed the way you see relationships.

I definitely have had trouble dating bc I play so many dating sims because I'm such a hopeless romantic and I need someone to obsess over me the way I would with them and I just can't make that connection irl. I'm like totally scared of talking to people to begin with so I think I'm just cooked ;;

 

[Cove]

I've been really into otome games lately. As I play more, I realize they're not just "dating sims." Sometimes the characters make me think: oh, this is what I want too – to be treated kindly and chosen without doubt. Every character has a different personality – gentle, tsundere, mysterious… It feels like I get to experience many sides of love.

But some friends say playing too many otome games makes them pickier about real-life romance. What do you think? Do otome games help us understand love better, or make us more afraid of it? Share your favorite character and how they've changed the way you see relationships.

It really depends on what you're looking for in relationships, because there are also a lot of bad things in otomes that shouldn't be sought after irl.

But with what you've explained, that is perfectly fine! And you SHOULD look for someone who treats you kindly! Being treated with respect, kindness and love is what everyone should go with. If that sets your standards higher, then so be it. You know what you want and you should NEVER settle less than this. A LOT of people nowadays get together with someone because its more of the fear of being alone rather than finding someone that loves them for who they are. I would not recommend ending up with someone because society wants you to be with someone and the fear of being alone.

If Otome games made you realize how you want to be loved, that's not being pickier that's noticing what you want and your worth for yourself. When I said it depends what you're looking for in relationships, some people do want that "obsessive over protective" type of guy, but in reality? Babes, the ones who lock you up in a room and restrict you from hanging out with others are the ones abuse us physically, emotionally and mentally in the end lol. (I mean what I described is already abuse haha).

 

[AmnesiaArya]

On the surface, otome games do seem to make people "pickier"—after all, these men are designed to be the ultimate ideal. But looking deeper, I see it as a form of self-awakening. Most otome games are created by women; these characters we love are dreams spun by female creators. It's made me realize just how much empathy and creativity women possess.
We are deeply in love with a dream created by women, and since that dream is a reflection of our own, we are essentially learning to deeply love ourselves. We don't need to "be seen" by others because we are finally seeing ourselves—the parts that have been ignored for so long. We don't need a so-called "other half" because we are already whole.
Otome games taught me that I should love myself first. Because of that, I can enjoy a real-life relationship, or I can happily embrace being single. I deserve whatever I want. I don't need to conform to society's expectations of women; I just need to be me.

 

[Honestymile]

Honestly, there's nothing wrong with being picky when it comes to relationships. If I'm going to be with someone, of course I'd want a person who feels comfortable to be around and actually understands me. I don't really see the point of forcing a relationship when both people barely understand each other.

Sure it might take longer to find the right person, but at least it'll feel worth it in the end. That's also why I don't really like the whole "dating someone new every few months" thing. Like, if you're only getting into relationships because you're scared of being single, but it keeps ending the same way, then what's the point?

 

[fr4pp3cinn]

Otoge hasn't really changed my perspective about RL relationships. I don't know if it's because I'm not at all a self-inserter, or if it's my outlook on dating as a whole (although I like romance in media, I'm not someone who is invested in actual romantic relationships lol I'm pretty chill about it)

As you said, there's many characters archetypes as well. No matter how well-written, a fictional character is at the end of the day still fictional, you can't actually meet a "tsundere LI", since characters only exist in the boundaries of a game. There's no character outside the game's runtime, unlike people! ;)

I think for some people it can make you daydream a bit, but I wouldn't say it can considerably affect how you deal with RL dating unless it gets to an unhealthy level (which isn't at all a common thing!)

 

[Luminetta]

I think it depends on the person. Some people get influenced by it, but personally, I don't. Since I've never dated and I'm quite introverted with a small social circle, I don't really let it affect me.
However, I've seen many cases where people struggle in their love lives because they can't find someone in real life who matches the 'vibe' of the game characters.

 

[ninnikuryona]

its really great if otome games actually teach some girls that they deserve better, because being treated with basic kindness/respect should be the default requirement for any sort of relationship!!

that said, all otome relationships are idealized on purpose, because this is a fantasy that sells. im a firm believer that fiction should stay in fiction, and if you base your reallife preferences on anime characters (which are very often written by women in an idealized fashion), then you will probably be disappointed in actual relationships. as fr4pp3cinn said, fictional characters/archetypes are just that, fictional characters/archetypes. theres even a song about that!

so yeah. obviously you deserve better, and you should want a partner who loves you wholeheartedly, but i dont think its good to seek out fateful encounters/yandere obsession/etc in real life, since it will only lead to everyone getting hurt. you do whatever you want though im just a string of words on your screen after all

(as for my humble self, i dont believe in relationships because im not built for them. i just love fantasizing about pretty anime men or women liking me, but nothing beyond that)

 

[totallyamanda]

There's a difference between reality and a game. If there's confusion between the two, it's really vital to try and distinguish so your perception of reality is not warped. 〜⁠(⁠꒪⁠꒳⁠꒪⁠)⁠〜

With that aside, a game is supposed to make you want to play. Of course, it's going to have engaging plotlines and likeable characters and scenarios. (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠)

It's not going to show the downtimes or times of stress that relationships or even just dates will have because they want their game to sell (or be played for popularity).

Is it wrong to have ideals? No. Fantasies are fine, but the pixels are designed with the vaguest sense of the player's wants. They don't know you, they're programmed to appeal to masses to increase popularity and sales. (It's why there's so many character types in otome {and kpop groups}. Something will appeal to someone if there's enough types.) ╮⁠(⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)⁠╭

I think it's good to want a sweet, wholesome romance with someone you're attracted to and treats you right, but in no way should a human compete with a character programmed to love and make you(mc) fall in love with them in an actual dating sim. (⁠；⁠^⁠ω⁠^)

 

[nyao]

I mean, it should be obvious that fiction doesn't immediately equal reality—I'm an unapologetic shotacon and incest enjoyer, but that in no way reflects my real beliefs. I've also had my fair share of stalkers, and despite that, I still love yandere content! (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

Anyway, it's quite fun to be delusional about fictional characters while also being self-aware. That's actually what led me to being a yume. Even if a story ends within the confines of its game, novel, etc. I can still think about the characters on my own~

 

[usagi-k]

i think rather than making it harder it just makes you more aware of your tastes and what kind of love you desire and being self aware is never a bad thing ^^ ive never dated anyone and dont ... really like men ... like at all most of the time but i did learn about myself a lot by playing otoges from both healthy and toxic aspects!

i mostly enjoy yandere lis for the thrill those romances provide as well as the horror feel to them but i know irl i am someone who despises clingy or possessive behavior so otome games ended up being a healthy outlet for me to explore those romances without ever actually putting myself in danger or having to deal with someone's insane behavior ^^

similarly on a kinder / healthier side of things i learnt that i would really like someone who prioritizes actions over words since i REALLYYYY like it when a li is sensitive to the mc's behavior and does things to improve how she feels / make her comfortable because i know im someone who has issues verbalizing how i feel </3

i also feel that otoges mightve helped me improve my own self too since ive learnt to try a lot harder at being a much more empathetic person which im sure is a positive change for if i ever get into a relationship :D

 

[Blind]

I think there might be a little influence, but it won't be too significant. Some male protagonists in otome games have perfect personalities, which simply don't exist in reality. No one is perfect
And I am not the heroine, so I won't fully immerse myself in the heroine's role
Just treat it as an interesting story that can provide me with emotions. Actually, it's a good choice to release pressure

 

[failedwebsite]

Yes, because you turn into a shut-in and all you can discuss with other people are games.
You see where I'm going with this.

 

[YummyYum]

If Otome games made you realize how you want to be loved, that's not being pickier that's noticing what you want and your worth for yourself.

I think this is beautifully put!

When you've never been in a relationship before, sometimes you put up with things that you shouldn't because you just want to be in a relationship, not understanding what you actually want from your partner. If otome games have shown you what you want out of your partner, and thus make you more picky about who you choose to date, then sure you could say it makes it harder to date in real-life because less people match your appeal, but is that really such a bad thing? It's kind of like saying you want kids and thus want a partner who also wants kids and will be a good parent makes it harder to date in real-life, because not as many people want kids and some partner's will not be good parents even if they want kids too. Don't feel bad about having standards, as long as you can accept that no one is ever going to be as perfect as an anime man, because they were written to be that way.

ALSO- Disclaimer, I am talking about healthier portrayals of relationships in otome. Wish fulfillment is awesome, but you do not actually want the guy who stalks you because he loves you, and puts you in a cage or something like that. If that's the guy you are searching for in real-life that's a problem

 

[Bogi]

Any media can influence your thinking, which can be good or bad. But i wouldn't think that its normally drastic. And ofc stories doesn't have to reflect rl preferences at all.
There are many cases where there are way too many LIs who are overly sweet for my liking, so maybe if someone surrounds themselves with just that, it could warp their perception a bit about rl guys, cause usually they are not that perfect.. Meanwhile i think there aren't that many genuinely horrible dateable guys in otomes, compared to rl (abusers, cheaters etc., not perfect yanderes loll). It can go either way. But this effect is for any media, and only depends on the one observing the media. It's kinda similar to video games != violence. Atleast this is how I think about it!!

 

[orionsbestie]

Otome games, like any type of media, can influence the way we act and think (IIRC, this would count as social learning, following Bandura's theory?? I could be wrong, not the point lmao), but I think it's a bit besides the point to say we have to differentiate fiction from reality because that should be a given, critical consumption and all that.

On the other hand tho in my case, Otome games have changed my outlook in relationships. I'm an introvert and my social circle is so small I only have other women as friends, and I'm pretty sure I'm straight so this combo made me single. Playing Otome games made me realize that while I want a relationship with someone who loves and respects me I also am at a point in my life where idrk what I'd actually do if I had a guy somewhere. Where do I put him. What do I do to him. That kind of thing.

Still, I've also realized that I do indeed have preferences when it comes to personality. I want someone who will treat me with kindness and respect, kinda like Edward from Mistonia's hope or Victor from Code:Realize, who talks to me directly and never keeps me guessing, who might be a bit reserved but isn't afraid of showing affection, is willing to learn new things and apologizes and owns up to his own actions like Dante from piofiore.

They're pretty much ideals for me when it comes to their personality and kinda their looks?? I daydream about them in anime style, that only translates into damn I like cool hairstyles irl lol. But I think those traits have a pretty good chance to be in an actual human being in various combinations! So it's not like I'm completely delulu about it. I think I've said this before in another thread, but those scenes of Dante apologizing to us in his routes in both base game and sequel made me realize I'd unconsciously put my bar in the underworld atp. I couldn't believe I'd gotten so excited and swooned so much for what's honestly one of the barest basics of human decency I've ever seen in a video game... So all in all Otoge has been good for me when it comes to relationships!

 

[jokerblackjack]

Honestly, I went through something similar too. When I was dating, I barely played otome games at all. But after I became single again, I started playing them more because they filled something that felt missing in my life

I'm also a pretty introverted person, so I'm not really interested in dating in real life anymore. I'm honestly happy just enjoying my games

 

[ryuntsai]

I think it depends on each person...

In my case, I almost never mix the second dimension with real life, but you can actually learn a lot from otome games. Things like how your decisions influence affection points and the final route make you become more observant about many things.

But I don't really understand how relationships work nowadays either. I'm also an introverted person. I've tried meeting people, and if I'm attracted to someone, I do take the initiative too. But real life isn't like a game where everything is black and white — there are gray areas. Sometimes you think someone is interested in you, and then out of nowhere they suddenly distance themselves or stop talking to you hahaha. It's like an extremely hard mode game without a progress bar LOL

Anyway, I'd rather spend quality time alone doing what I enjoy, and if the right person appears someday, then great. And if not, it is what it is.

 

[enren]

Does playing otome games for a long time make it harder to date in real life?

Yes! Because after playing them for a long time you get to know how it actually feels to be loved. And once you know that feeling, how it feels to be loved and cherished, you can easily feel when something's off, when you aren't loved, even if you might not understand that consciously yet. Your instincts will tell you that.

Personally, I wouldn't call any of the LIs I've seen perfect or ideal. Even Edward from Mistonia's Hope. That guy's more manipulative than you might notice (if notice at all) despite his pretty face and dreamy behavior. That's how he ropes you in to have it his way. His Best ending is the outcome that is best suited for him first of all (not the girl). But in the end she's happy too so... living in ignorant bliss is fine too. He treats her well after all. Same with Dante from PioFiore. Plus the other options offered are hardly better... lol so pick whoever you like!

In an otome game no matter who you'll choose, it's you they'll ever love for the rest of their life, no matter how long or short that life might be. No matter what the story throws at you, no matter how crazy or flawed your LI may be, no matter what you'll choose to say, MC is the only one for them (unless the story aims for something else and other type of drama). That's how they are written. Or rather that's the story about a couple that is meant to be, how that couple met and ended up together. Or perhaps tragically parted apart in a Bad ending.

Now in real life... you can only do so much.
If - for example - you're surrounded by cheaters left, right and center, yeah...
You can only hope for the best.

 

[Meringue]

Honestly the reverse happened for me where dating/getting married made playing otome harder for me. Having real experience made some of the cheesier or unrealistic parts of otome become glaringly obvious to me when in the past I would've enjoyed them or written it off as usual otome shenanigans. I also learned along the way that in real life I'm quite sensitive to any physicality, and all of those 18+ otome drama CDs went from hot to uncomfortable lmao-

I think in general though, otome doesn't always apply to what you want irl. Despite having had a pretty consistent handful of types I've loved in otome for a decade, my husband ended up unlike any of those and I still love him all the same. Someone who reads Amish romance novels may gravitate towards certain charactertics and values for their real-life partners, but they're not out there hunting Amish men irl lmao

 

[Lady otome]

Honestly the reverse happened for me where dating/getting married made playing otome harder for me. Having real experience made some of the cheesier or unrealistic parts of otome become glaringly obvious to me when in the past I would've enjoyed them or written it off as usual otome shenanigans. I also learned along the way that in real life I'm quite sensitive to any physicality, and all of those 18+ otome drama CDs went from hot to uncomfortable lmao-

I think in general though, otome doesn't always apply to what you want irl. Despite having had a pretty consistent handful of types I've loved in otome for a decade, my husband ended up unlike any of those and I still love him all the same. Someone who reads Amish romance novels may gravitate towards certain charactertics and values for their real-life partners, but they're not out there hunting Amish men irl lmao

True. Otome games get too cheesy when you try to imagine/find the characters as/in actual real-life people instead of fictional archetypes. Even actors, especially Japanese actors sometimes, can feel strangely 'manga/otome-coded,' so I kind of have to turn off the part of my brain that looks for realism when I play, knowing it would turn me off in real life.

 

[Leviathan_01]

In my case, it doesn't affect me since I'm not interested in dating in real life. As a shut-in, I already find it incredibly difficult to talk to someone who isn't part of my daily life, let alone enter a relationship where you have to open up to a stranger. Honestly, it sounds like a nightmare, I prefer to avoid it. But I think it's important to know how to separate fiction from reality. While I think you can learn a thing or two from otome games, like striving to understand your partner to have a good bond a d a healthy relationship just as you try to understand your love interest in an otome game to get points and reach a good ending, there's no way you can be a protagonist who pleases him in everything or have an impeccable and perfect love interest who will always tend to you and put you above everything else, or a plot that will conveniently make everything work out for both of you in the end.

 

[Eir]

Maybe a little, but honestly I think I already had high standards before otome games so I can't fully blame them xdd. If anything they just made me more aware of what I actually want rather than raising the bar out of nowhere