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Thread: Random Writing Sample

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    Junior Member silverpikachu99's Avatar
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    Random Writing Sample

    (Hi everyone, I'm sorry if this is horrible beyond words but I was bored and wanted to see if I was any good at writing, think you could help me? I would really appreciate some constructive criticism-- thanks!)

    Today was just like any other day, and there was nothing that was different. All me and Verina ever did was text, face time, call, snap chat and go places together. We were the perfect team, and I wanted it to stay like that for the rest of my life. Right now it was lunch time, so me and Verina were sitting together in our usual spots. “So, Aidan...” Verina began. I looked up at Verinas beautiful face and smiled. She never failed to make my heart swell. She was dark skinned, with long curly hair that hit the middle of her back. She was only 5’4, and was quite curvy for 15. We were so close, that she told me her bra size too!- which is 36C.. It just made me want to kiss her even more. “Hmm? What’s up Verina?” I asked “We should go on a date this weekend…” When that rolled off Verina’s tongue, my eyes widened and my heart started to pound like crazy. Verina just asked me out! Me- Aidan Kazuki the friend zoned guy just got ASKED OUT!! Mentally, I was doing a happy dance but my face surely wasn’t showing it.

    Verinas face started to turn pale, but she quickly tried to pull herself together. She should know by now that I can see right through her, but she still tries way too hard.

    She raised her hand to my face and tapped my nose with her index finger. “Think about, ok?” She asked, then quickly left me alone to think about this whole situation.

    I’m going to be honest; I’ve been in love with Verina for more than a week now and have tried so hard to hide it.
    It all began about a month ago, when Verina wanted to ask out this one boy named Hihara. She’d been gushing about this guy for more than three months, so I dared her to ask him out. Knowing how brave and ruthless she was, I knew she would take it on. But the thing was, this was her first time asking someone out so she started to become really nervous about it all. I just reassured her that she was really pretty and adorable, so who would say no to her? I know I wouldn’t.

    But the thing was… She got rejected. Not the nice, but the dick head way. I remember because she wanted me to watch the whole thing from afar. Hihara was with a bunch of his friends at the time, and didn’t really notice Verina was coming towards him until she started speaking. “Hey, Hihara!” She spoke in her usual enthusiastic tone. “Hey Verina, what’s up?” “I was wondering…”
    “Ya..?” “Verina took a deep breath then smiled. “Wanna go out this weekend?” Hihara had a smile spread across his face. I guess Verina took that as a good sign. It was only until all of his friends burst out laughing. Hihara sighed “About that.. Verina you’re not my type. You may be hot as fuck, but your personality is weird as shit.” “More like weird as FUCK!” One of his friends added, which made everyone burst out into hysterical laughter.
    Verina looked like she was about to cry, but instead her face went a deep red and I knew- she was pissed. With all her might she lifted up her hand and smacked Hiharas face “You’re an asshole Hihara.” With that said Verina turned on her heels and started to walk away. But, Hihara turned her around. “No one talks to me like that.” “Who says? I just did.” I could practically hear the smirk form on her lips. But, Hihara definitely didn’t appreciate it. He smacked Verina in the face, making her hit the ground with a huge thud. By then all of them were cursing at her.

    I was walking over to all of them. I screamed “What the fuck are you doing? She was trying to be nice!” Hihara laughed. “Back off guys, this is gonna get nasty.” Verina tried to lift her head, then winced. “Do-don’t do this guy-“ I cut her off. “No Verina! He fucking PUNCHED YOU!!!” “And I can do it AGAIN!” At this point, I was so pissed that I made the first blow on his face making him falter backwards. He then sprinted towards me and punched me in the stomach, making me fall to the ground.

    We started to punch each other repetitively on the ground. Blood was splattered everywhere. I knew I was winning- I’ve always been known for fighting. So I knew this was going well. It was only until Hihara over powered me and got on top of me- holding me down to the ground while punching me. With all the chants coming from his friends, I was starting to get distracted. He punched me in the face, making my nose bleed. “You really shouldn’t of done that..” He lifted his fist and was about to punch me but... My face didn’t feel harmed at all.

    I realized that Verina was in front of me- protecting me from this freak of nature. “STOP IT GUYS! THAT’S ENOUGH!” She yelled. “Fuck off Verina.” Hihara scuffed. “No.” “I said FUCK OFF!” He screamed in Verinas face. “No.” She repeated. Hiharas face turned into a scowl, and then he smacked Verina in the face, and made her fall to the ground. She was knocked out.. She passed out RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME AND I COULDN’T DO A SINGLE THING! “Guys stop it.” Hihara rolled his eyes. “Hey, could you guys do your part?” His friends nodded at each other, then walked over to me. “This fight is now over.” One of them said to me. “NO IT’S NOT!!!” I screamed. “My rules are that after someone’s knocked out, it’s over.” Hihara declared. “Verina’s done, so it’s finished.” Hihara got up from the ground then smiled. “Thanks for the fight, Kazuki.” He walked away with his friends, and left me and Verina just lying there alone.

    “…Verina” I whispered, but she just stayed limp on the ground. My heart started to pound ridiculously fast in my chest. I took my phone from my pocket and called 911.

    All I remember is holding her hand, hoping everything was going to be ok. I tried holding back the tears, but knowing that I could lose my best friend killed me.

    After everything was done being set up, I went to her hospital room. When I entered, the nurse was still inside. I was so very curious as to what happen, so I asked her. “Well… Your friend seems to have a concussion. Nothing serious, but not great either.” “Oh thank god.” I was so relieved. “But…” The nurse began. “What?? What is it?” I asked. The nurse frowned. “I’m sorry to say but... Verina’s lost her sight in her left eye.” “What…?” I whispered so low, I could barely hear myself. “I’m sorry, but she was hit so hard that her eye hit the ground with to much pressure. For some reason, she’s lost all colour in her left eye too.” I was speechless. All she wanted was to go out with him... That’s all. Now she can’t even see correctly.

    The nurse took the hint of my silence, and left the hospital room. With no time to lose, I walked over to her bed and kneeled down. “Verina.” I whispered. To my surprise, she slowly opened her eyes and smiled. I could just tell it was forced. She had bandages all over the left side of her head that covered her damaged eye. “..hi Aidan..” She spoke. Tears started to fill in the corners of my eyes. I tried holding them in, but Verina always told me to be honest with myself. She lifted her hand to my cheek, which just made the tears stream down my face. She used her thumb and caressed my cheek. “It’ll be ok.” She whispered. “please stop crying, you’re gonna make me cry..” “I love you..”

    “What?” I guess she didn’t hear me and I liked it that way. I realized that day that I wanted to protect her. She meant the world to me. I loved her.

    “It’s nothing..” I answered “Could you stay with me? I’m really tired. Could you hold my hand?” I nodded my head. “Don’t strain yourself. I’m right here..” I took her hand in mine and smiled. “I’ll always be here.” After that she laid back down and fell asleep.

    My heart kept telling me to kiss her, since it might be my only chance. But, it was wrong. That was her first kiss and I didn’t want to spoil anything for her.

    “” Verina spoke. My head went up almost instantly. I looked at her face to realize that she was still sleeping. She was always known for sleep talking.

    “don’t…go..Kazuki.” She’s dreaming about me? “I..I need you. I love you.” This couldn’t be right. There was no way she.. loved me. There was no way in hell she would love me so quickly.
    I knew she was sleeping, so I replied “I love you too, Verina.” “Really?” I looked over at her, and realized her eyes were wide open. She was awake..? SHE WAS AWAKE!?!?

    “V-Verina?!?” She smiled. “Answer the question.” “I-i…” Without my consent, Verina leaned in and kissed me. It was one of the most amazing things I have ever felt. When we pulled back I had a huge smile spread across my face.

    “Is that a yes..?” she whispered with a bit of sarcasm. My smile grew into a grin at her words. “Is it that obvious..?” She nodded her head. “I know you the best, of course I would know~!” She giggled to herself. “But..” Verina tilted her head to the side. “How long has it been..? How long have you loved me Aidan?” Her question took me by surprised, leaving me speechless. “Well… I’m not sure. I guess after seeing you like that made me realize how much you mean to me; how much I love you..”

    My voice started to trail off somewhere else. I didn’t know what else to say to her, to make her believe I really did mean what I was saying. My eyes floated away from her gaze, it was kinda awkward looking into them, knowing they used to be your best friends, and now they’re your lovers. “Aidan.” Verina spoke in a firm tone. My head shot up. “What?” her expression changed into a small frown. ‘You’re lying.” “What?” she sighed “I said, you’re lying. I already told you that I know practically everything about you. If you truly loved me before, you would have acted like this before. I would have realized way sooner. This is just another one of your ‘crushes’.” My eyebrows furrowed. “I’m telling you, I really do love you..” Verina clicked her teeth. “Forget it Aidan, This was all just a test and you blew it.” “What are you talking about Veri!? A test?” my chest started to tighten, and that’s when I knew that I was getting fired up. I’ve never blown out steam at Verina, but this might be the first time. “I pretended that I liked Hihara. I never meant for the rest of this to happen, but… now I know that I was right about you.” Her frown quickly changed into a scowl. My best friend was becoming someone completely different- someone I didn’t even recognize. It made me wonder, have I been played with all this time?

    She crossed her arms, and glared at me. “Move Aidan.” I could tell that she was done, but I wasn’t ready to finish this. I need answers- NOW! With my left arm, I blocked her way from exiting the hospital bed. I tried to muster the most pitiful face possible as I said to her, “Wait Verina…” a flash of confusion ran across her face for less than a second, but she quickly recovered her bitch face. “I said, MOVE.” Her eyes dug into mine like daggers. Those so called brown beauties that I used to look into every day had an unfamiliar tint of disgust. Am I that horrible in her eyes?

    Verina must have been losing her patience because she slapped me in the face- Hard- and screamed “WHY ARE YOU MAKING THIS SO HARD?? MOVE AIDAN, NOW!!” I moved my right hand up to my face. I could still feel her hand on my cheek. I look up at Verina and ask, “Tell me… what did I do wrong..?” My heart started pound at such a fast pace, making it hard for me to breath. “..what did I do Verina?” She looked at me with something I couldn’t place…. Her eyes just kept boring into mine, not answering any of my questions. Did she not know the answers?

    She looked away and sighed. I don’t know who she was trying to fool, but she was losing her cool. Her bottom lip started to quiver, and that’s when I knew- she was going to cry; for the first time ever, I didn’t know the reason why.

    “..verina.” I whispered. Why was she acting like this? She looked back at me with one swift movement of her neck and yelled in her shaky voice, “G-get out Aidan!” She was raising her arm again, but with my quick reflexes I grabbed her arm with my right hand. As soon as we made contact, she started to struggle, to get away from me. Her left hand was coming this way, so I blocked it again. “Stop..” She tried her hardest to get free, but she just couldn’t get her hands out of my grip. “VERINA!” I screamed, trying to get her attention. She froze as soon as she heard my loud voice. Her face cringed, as she started to cry.

    I let go of her hands, and wrapped my arms around her. I didn’t know what her issue was, but I was determined to make it better. When she realized what was happening, she pushed me away. She jumped from the bed and turned around for the last time to say, “I hate you, Aidan.” Before walking out of the room.
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  2. #2

    Re: Random Writing Sample

    'sfine just separate the dialogue from normal text.

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