Ellenriel

Ellenriel

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Wandering Ghost From Wandering, never wondering.
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  • GenKiDan
    prt2:
    P.s. still curious about Planetary Annihilation ? You might have noticed me testing it out some, still slightly a bit bugged, and very few players so far from my limited experience.

    I'm off for now to watch a movie and then perhaps do a match online. That will probably sum up the rest of my day, then I will relax until Sunday I think.
    GenKiDan
    Nothing to worry about. I've just thought it could be a number of things, like not wanting to be too open or direct with all things, and, or especially in relation to this place not necessarily being entirely private. So, would it be like, you find yourself being extra sensitive in interaction with others for being used to being more alone, that leads to some eluding, which give some ambiguity that in turn might give rise to some confusion ?

    Heh, I would bet you probably are, even if you don't think you see it yourself that much. In case you don't observe it in yourself in the outwardly surface of thoughts or feelings all the time, you might judge yourself according to it. But in so doing, you might judge partly correctly about only what is presently showing, and include also the things about you that don't, failing perhaps to see your own hidden sides, and latent sides within. Even if it's the case that you could have attained a more cynical view on life, either through experience, or simply as a way to deal with things when life might "tighten the screws", and put a person under some type of pressure. In the case of the latter a person can naturally find the need to suppress and put aside other sides of themselves, as a way to cope with increased pressure and so become more colder and cynical. In the former, one might just find oneself feeling barren caused by deprivation of some sort. But all that said, I think I've heard or seen enough of you from before already to believe in your sweet side, whether latent or not. Perhaps all it needs is a little sweetness first.

    So.. that was what you would praise the stars for ? That in the function of time empires will fall and be forgotten no matter how big. Well, then you might have something to look forward to.

    Def curious at least, I usually try my best to not neglect any details.
    GenKiDan
    :smiles: I've had some opportunity to practice though also. It's very "handy" when there's "nowhere" else to go...^

    Here is a little bit you say that eludes me some. What I might not get entirely right, or entirely wrong. Some finer details I could understand better perhaps. Though I'm not entirely sure in relation to what part of what I said either, I might maybe, be able to make some good guesses, without being entirely sure. But I also considered that it might not be intended to be too clear or specific for certain reasons also.

    Thank you again -nyaa(^x^). Thats sweet of you. Hope I can cheer your day up with something nice in return then. Hmm, You know, as just a spontaneous thought right now, remembering something from your sig, these empires really will be turned to dust sometime. But, truth and love will remain. And no death or sorrow will be then anymore. But a restoration to the true original state of things, and that the human heart deep inside really yearns and wish for. Even the concept of eternity itself is a native part of our hearts from the very beginning that our souls would readily take for granted if not for the contradictions from the reality around us in it's present form. I'd say, believe in love,(regardless of ones present feelings or not) and search for connection to the source of it, and consider this temporal fleeting life for what it is, a school of life, and an opportunity to learn, be shaped, and refined for the better, with hope.

    Thats good to hear, I'm not very good at being consistent always in some ways, like time. Mostly anyway ? /me more curious.

    P.s. oh and since your on. Good morning.
    GenKiDan
    prt2:
    Every senses sharpening so that I can hear the whole woods, hearing only some night active birds, like and owl for example, and the occasional rattling from some animal that doesn't even notice me. Then something like a very small, almost non existent clouds, more like puffs of smoke, just slowly glides past the moon. Its then I realize that the air is still moving, it's just that its so gentle, and I'm somewhat shielded among the threes as well. And I felt it was so special, like I wanted to capture the moment and it's feeling forever. Alas I know I can't, and that no one will probably ever know my special moments in time. So they give me a kind of sadness simultaneously, the more beautiful and touching they are, the sadder it is potentially. Perhaps I wonder if their a bit wasted on me alone, but still overjoyed and thankful they appear to me.

    I'm happy you feel that way about my "natural straightforwardness" if, thats the same thing. I like to be simply me as unrestrained as possible, to be true without worrying about norms or conformity or being misunderstood.
    p.s. My monk in DIII was named SuddenGenki >< He was a martial monk after all. And sry for my sometimes belated replies, I wanted to answer sooner, but my energies and time gets drained at times.
    GenKiDan
    ^//^ Yes, I suppose it is isn't it.
    And you did, did you, funny, someone on this forum recently wondered if I was a poet just because of my posts in the LPW I think, caught me by surprise. Wonders what it could have been, if it was something particular that gave you that thought. Thanks, ..I had no idea you thought so.

    Hmm, yes, your right about that. That was a bit also I think why I first favored the first one as well, even like I could feel the "feel" and temperature of the water, like just calmingly lying there and just looking upwards. like a shy animal. Then I got too fascinated by having something like my own fortress. (If I could combine both then that would be even better, a great fortress deep in a woods that no one knew about, somewhere to retreat to) In a castle I might have my own space, but, everyone would know thats where I was, and it would be a bit like a confinement in that sense, vs being free and unknown in the woods. Though, I didn't write it, in my mind I would just transform and fly away every night like a dragon among the lightning and clouds, and returning before dawn to sleep. The forest, even though, part of the point would be it's solitude, your haven. I must admit I still feel it a bit lonely in my heart,...so much open space... and know that if I was lying there all by myself, I would start to think...or feel, and longing about someone else also feeling, and seeing the same thing. And, I've felt like that before, places I've been, in isolated places, whether day or night, sitting in like a spectacular opening among the trees on a high place, and the moon shining such a bright silvery light, still dark and shadowy outside, but lighting my path, almost like it was keeping me with company, with a certain quietness in the air.
    GenKiDan
    prt2:
    And perhaps, once a day every week, on a saturday or sunday, the 7th or 1st day of the week, the rain stops, and the suns rays radiates the castle walls and it's surroundings, giving the most perplexing rainbows one has ever seen. The castle which for 6 days has stood as a looming and tall dark silhouette over the landscape now appears as a citadel of light, as the skies above it disseminates to let the radiant rays of the sun pierce through a vast opening and bathe it with sunlight and warmth, the flowers seeming to to almost sing songs of joy as they reach upwards towards the light in all their colors of bloom. As the light refracts from the microscopic droplets of water still in the air, making the accompanying rainbow grace it's beauty and colors as if a crown of light above the castle. Making anyone to see such a sight start to question within themselves, if who ever is in it, is really a cursed creature, or a blessed.

    Was it sudden ? I'm not exactly sure how to explain it, if I even know fully myself. At least in part follows from earlier when we talked, and just kinda continued from that, plus seeing some of these pictures when I was looking for something else, which reminded me, and built further on my already preexisting thoughts ect. Think It was the first image I saw first, and then distracted me to take a detour and look for a bit more of the same.
    GenKiDan
    I guessed that, but not sure if any of the first two is better than the other one. They both have their appeals imo. I like the first because of the more gentle forest atmosphere, but, then a castle is quite fine in it's own special way, actually the more I think about it, the more I'm changing over to th 2nd pic, but only because of the castle.. it would be my Thick Bastion in the night. With it's thick safe walls, placed securely on a non traversable hill. I just wish it was a bit darker, but perhaps it's just a distant lightning that lights up. It would be a place of special refuge, a castle that would always be veiled by thick dark skies above it, with constant rainfalls pouring down, and hence no one would want or dare to get too close to it, rumored to be cursed because of the dark skies hovering above it for miles as far as the eye could see. And so even the area around it would be desolate for miles around it. Nearest locals calling it the the impassable lands of impossible rainfalls. Where the rain is so thick just like the clouds above it, one can not come up with a natural or scientific explanation, hence the locals consider it a cursed place. And who can blame them, for as those who have been so curious as to venture close even will testify. That the closer you get, it is as the very atmosphere gets thicker and more concentrated, brimming of a strange pressure, seeming to emanate from a presence inside the castle itself.
    GenKiDan
    Hey I was online, googling at some pictures and....started noticing some of them, then one thing led to an other...

    GenKiDan
    Oh.. that was fast.
    I hope so, I would go around causing chuckles, I might like that. Eh, he, I was actually imagining it like a nice version of Aizen from bleach going around with a long thin pin poking people with it, and causing them to chuckle while he stood there smiling xD >I'm outta my mind< Oh, the irony. But some ppl would just be afraid of me....Thinking I was a super villain though.
    But, thats an other side of me.

    Yes... There is something I wonder, but, for a different time and place maybe.

    Hmm sounds like they had bad customer service then. I was just thinking that small no reply text could be overlooked if one is in a foggy mind one day.
    GenKiDan
    ^^ Well, hope it's only a good thing then. It would be good if I was gonna be a teacher with the ability to also cause a chuckle.
    Yes, I think I have a general idea.
    Pure knowledge in the mind is not the same as realization of the heart, and experience, but merely intellectualization of a concept, there is a deeper level. Having told you of the way to the real deal, someday, you might perhaps consider turning to it.
    For all time we have otherwise, may you be well, and we all share what warmth that we got. Especially whenever in a dark place. (just thinking about that now while typing it, and.. sigh, makes me feel, some kind of reaction, but, nm, not the place to type about it)

    I would nag them some more if I was you. Perhaps it just got buried or lost somehow. Just as long as you didn't try to send them one, to one of those 'no-reply' addresses.
    GenKiDan
    Pt3:
    Yes, I remember that, it seemed quite a pitty to me, I know I asked this back then but, isn't there anything you can try and do, send them an email....? I did enjoy thank you :P I had a lot of fun and got my first lv 60 character ^V^, I played to 9pm the next morning c; And I'm about to play some more as I'm typing this. I can't say for sure if it's just me, but I still have the impression that that the expansion and their changes was a real improvement. Not sure I can put my finger on what exactly all it is thats different. Have a splendid night. Or morning when you wake up and read this later.
    GenKiDan
    pt2:
    But recognize that not all "love" is the same love. There is a worldly love, and there is a love from above of the spirit. There is self serving "love", that seems to love someone as long as it's in their interest to do so, thats not a true love. Like a friend that might "love" a so called best friend as long as that other person is a cool person to be with, once your not that someone anymore, you find out how "deep" it really goes. There is attraction and romance as well, which, sure, can come together with love, but if not and thats all it is, it's nothing more than what it sounds like.
    There is love of money, and, emh, pancakes even, but thats something radically different of course, needless to say. But true love will fill a persons heart, it is something you don't have to doubt, or worry if you are good enough. It is something you can trust and rest in. The Light of my God, is Truth, and Love. And I can not but give him honor for that, for he is the source of it. But the world, will cover over it's own lack and coldness, with all manners of counterfeits and distractions, yet, it can not hide it for those with a discerning eye and armed with the spirit of truth. I don't intend to say more about that now, in case it is of no interest, for it is not my intention to push it on anyone, but at least let people know, and make their own choice to it. Just know that you can begin to know him should you choose, and receive the life that he offers that lasts eternally.
    GenKiDan
    Yes, I know.

    Firstly I don't think it makes you any more hollow than anyone else. There is a hollowness in every persons heart, an empty space, only longing for one true thing. Which modern people especially, being increasingly detached from natural life, family, core values and older wisdom, in an ever rapid changing world with more distractions than ever before. Feeling the void, manifesting as the modern rush of restlessness. For a great many, there is no cure known to them, except the numbing of the feelings that may otherwise float to the surface and agonize, something to distract from the vacuum inside. Which modern society and lifestyles increasingly facilitates. For some it's work, entertainment, games, ambition, ect as some form or other to distract as each person feels the lack of peace in their own hearts when they are left alone with it, and forced to notice when there is nothing else. But true love, gives peace. The feeling that you can close your eyes, and being in the company, or better yet the arms of someone that you love, and that you know loves you truly,,,,and that: nothing else matters anymore. Knowing also, in your heart that it is not fleeting, or based on what you can do or not ect.
    GenKiDan
    Prt2: I exceeded the limitation again.

    Ofc, perhaps worth mentioning, if taking it even a step further. The very apax, and greatest of all this, is love...and, I would say, knowing the source of it. But I'm not sure your that interested in hearing more of that source, since I've talked about it before. But just in case, your welcome to read a tad more about it on my profile.

    I could probably explain it both better and more but. It should cover the gist of at least some things. I plan to play some Reaper of Souls now, or soon... >< been planning it a while though, if I ever get around to it, tested it just a bit and got a positive impression actually. Seemed more fun now, but, will see if it, and the changes made to the game keeps my interest any longer than the base of the game did. Until I see you around, here or elsewhere, I'm off for now, maybe I can get lost in some dungeon! ^ yeay
    GenKiDan
    If you don't know, then I'm lenient to think that you probably don't, in any major way at least.

    Like fresh soil for a new beginning...

    Yes, it's...quite swell. It truly is the things that we have in common with others, that we find resonates and correlates with our own soul that not only enables deeper relations, but makes us, ultimately not alone or disconnected in the world. i.e. it's the relations through understanding that forms the basis for much deeper connections among ppl, not just people by themselves i.e. someones mere presence. Even though mere presence in some shape or form is the prerequisite that gives the opportunity if nothing else. That and things like trust, with the ability to share ones true feelings. Like if you have a best friend, that you trust, and can share anything you want with without restraints, then I'd call you lucky. Now that I brought it up, I'd say that having someone to be able to trust, and by trust I don't just mean trust them in regards to loyalty, but with your own heart, your true feelings, no matter what they might be without fear. Is even more fundamental and worth even if two persons are different. Then you may have what I might be tempted to describe as a "extension for your own soul" or a "soul friend". I guess it can be summarized as thus: The company of your soul, with an other soul, is all that matters. And is better than 7billion people stuck on the same planet with each of their souls living as it were, on their own isolated islands (apart in their physical bodies).
    GenKiDan
    It's okay, some things just is, for various reasons that doesn't always need explanation.

    The train and movement makes me remember a time and place, I listened to a track, with the sounds of sitting in a train, and some sounds of the wind in the leaves, it had a picture of a girl just resting her head on the small sill beneath the window, looking out. It was called 'Burial-forgive' However melancholic, coincidently it was also at a time where I needed to forgive, and it reminded me of that. One must always learn to forgive if one is to be able to move on. Do you have any unforgiveness in your heart ?
    An other thing being in that time and space in my life taught me, (besides the things that really matters in life) was the small details in life, like the cool summer breeze in the night, how I could just sit there, and feel it. The overwhelming quietness, with just me and the gentle wind carrying the different summer smells of the vegetations and flowers. I still remember. I might call it my burial.

    I've known it for very many years as well. Perhaps way to many...A part of me is still there, and a part of me might have died back then, to the time I have spoken about. It is/was a sensitive and hurtful process and place, but it shall serve for a greater good in the end.
    When you say 'don't want to know about it' Did you mean by any chance, that I, "would not want to know about it" ? Or yourself.

    No need to apologize either, I was gonna say myself, I'm sorry for my late replies, but, I think I better not, or I wouldn't really be following my own advice now, lol. I think perhaps we might both have traits of a certain sensitivity in our souls thats not always obvious. Don't know, it be pretty curious to see oneself as others do I guess.
    GenKiDan
    Part2: dang, msg was too long, hence splitting up the end part of it.

    Well it would be more accurate to say that 'Some' parts of the mind, is, or has that potential for chaos, in order to separate those parts that obviously don't need to, unless those parts takes over a person, then, I guess so. But only for that person then.
    Agreed, a little randomness, and unpredictability springing from letting loose of control can feel liberating. And all the more fun. Though my answer before was only about the 'keeping of ones mind free' and not really about any fun.
    For what some people may perceive as free, might in some cases be the same thing or things that also binds them, a little bubble, for them to call their own, to call it something. Something which offers both bonds of pain, as well some fun, and a shade to escape an uncomfortable light or world that only hurts. Like some heroine addicts, they get both suffering and comfort from the same source at the same time. Hopelessness.... Sometimes, situations are so impossible, there seems to be only one place to go. What choice may we have, in what may be such impossibilities. And situations that sometimes is.
    Yet some people who don't understand, always seem to think that things is so easy. But most of 'those' kinds, don't know how blissfully unaware they are.
    I'll tell you, which I am, somewhat a bit hesitant to talk about even. There is a darkness that a person might feel drawn to, and which also might become sort of like a friend. Like a bottomless place, where the mind, and it's chaotic expressions have no restraints(or just very much less so), I can't speak for you, but I have been there.
    GenKiDan
    Hmm, thats a bit enigmatic yes, even for me :} I always try my best to understand things properly though. But I know some things, can only be understood more as they should with time. And others are never fully allowed to be understood completely. I wasn't quite able to understand or imagine the guidance for others parts. ect. But, may not need to right here and now.

    Yeah, hopefully, I dislike loose threads, and, or rather the thought of time requiring one leaves something undone. I feel time is moving a bit fast these days. (even though singular moments can still feel slow ofc) Wish I could freeze time in a separate dimension.
    I think maybe I can relate better now to the rain, in some sense...perhaps. Kinda similar to movement, sitting still is something I can e.g. at least understand is more boring than moving, like sitting on a train, all by one self and just looking out the window calms the mind, so I think I can feel rain doing something similar, compared to everything being still, and all the senses are left to themselves. Do you like having something to observe too ? some kind of stimuli other than rain. If I start digging up things deep within...I might even be I could understand somethings surprisingly well....thinking back while writing this, to a time earlier in my life, a darker time... I used to love walking in the woods at night alone then. And yes, in the rain as well, strange how that, even though it was so dark, and I had a flashlight, I liked best to turn it off. But the things, and places I have experienced, that I can bring to memory, and that is a part deep within, might not have much in common with you, or what you talk about, still, I wonder a bit....if maybe.
    GenKiDan
    I see, your only strictly speaking metaphorically though aren't you ? Light can potentially have an increasing blinding effect the more contrasted it is with something darker, in such case, not having too much of it too suddenly probably makes sense. Just like our physical eyes can need some time to adjust as well.

    Yeah as a matter of fact, I might have gotten pretty close just now to something I like. Though the real test is the test of time, then I will better know how satisfied I truly am with it. I thought I had it pretty right just earlier, but then I realized it wasn't exactly, so I tweaked some more just now. It's actually a continuous journey of discovery, so I will probably have to be content with not getting it entirely perfect maybe for some time.
    Do you feel more in touch with everything around you when you feel the rain ? I don't really mind some rain, or getting wet by it, as long as it's not cold. The warmer it is, the more I'll like it,....unless, I'm in a certain mood perhaps.

    The mind sure is a wonderful thing, in some sense. Though, when it might end up conflicting with truths, it can deceive us as well, and make us slaves to the very constructs in our minds, like our own resources turned against us. So the very things that can make it wonderful, are also the same which can make it terrible too. A sobering thought perhaps~
    GenKiDan
    That would be nice if it does. Light and life, they can be found, and excel and shine the most radiant in the dark and not so obvious places. 'As in the day, no one sees the stars anymore, but they come out during the night, yet they themselves are not of darkness, but of the light'
    Oh really, I thought it was not regarded as a sorta unknown thing, at least not to me. Even thought you were planning on making an other game~

    Yes, sure is, little details can mean so much at times. And at other times, as you say, maybe not by a lot, but, just enough to matter. You kinda make me want to start tweaking the colors on my profile again.....I have not yet once gotten it exactly how I want it.
    Thank you too. So you like the rain yes, I bet it makes it extra cozy sitting inside while doing something then. You like sitting near a window when it rains also ? ~or just hear it rain outside.
    What I myself might imagine I would like a lot is if I had a (big mansion xj) kinda isolated in the forest, with a big estate and flower garden, then I would much rather prefer sunny days. But then on the opposite side, I also like the dark, instead of rain.
    Actually the more I think of it, if the world was all dark, night all the time, having a huge sphere with an artificial sun inside would be nice. (like there was in bleach) I can dream quite a lot about different stuff like this, and more.

    Good to know. I'll try not to over think things then and not worry.
    GenKiDan
    It is like me :J I always think why not. It's such a pity if I think something is true and no one bothers to say anything. (even if it's just an opinion to share)
    I'm good at surprising ? :p I'm kinda glad to hear that I think. It might reflect me in someway perhaps, thinking it's joyful to get some surprises, and so get a leniency to do the same to others. I always thought I didn't like surprises, but maybe I do, just depends on what kind they are.

    Each to their taste~ I find a little violet added to red gives that impression more than just red alone. But then any combination of colors might give me more of an impression like that than just a single color all by itself.
    Enjoy the spring I hope, I've started to enjoy mine already some. Wish I could link some of the old touhou stuff I started playing today that I haven't listened to for what seems like a long time, but, tucked away on my HDD.

    p.s. sry if I seem a bit too happy or anything, I don't want to sound annoyingly happy >< I seem to sense maybe a bit of sobriety and heaviness, perhaps it's ironic or strange to some how certain times can seem to act counter intuitive, but some understand even that. If it is anything, then try as best to have patience, and hope, just be careful what you hope for, or hope can be a doubled edged sword.
    GenKiDan
    Wicked avatar ! I simply Loved it too much not to say anything. So red and brilliant. Even with some violet and starry background, giving me a sense of depth and perception, as in apposed to superficialness. I can only call it "Intelligent Red"
    Shir0
    WOT!? I didn't know they disbanded after their last album.. It's kinda sad, since I liked their music. But I guess it's fine, can't really do anything about it.
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